The Bitter Redemption
by Moon Ecstasy
Summary: Petunia has always hated Harry Potter for one reason or another. Mainly because he is a symbol of everything she lost.


I don't own the characters or anything you recognize. I do own Petunia's thoughts though. This is another story from the view point of a hated character, like my Ignoble Death of a Coward story, where I try to see things from their point of view.

* * *

Heaven bent to take my hand  
Nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step  
You'll slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Fallen~ Sarah McLachlan

* * *

The Bitter Redemption

* * *

She wasn't supposed to die.

Perhaps the real reason I hated the boy so, was because his being there, in our house, eating our food, existing, was undeniable proof that she was dead. And she wasn't supposed to be.

* * *

_Look at this. Watch what I can do._

* * *

Growing up, I really did love her. It was just all that freaky, unnatural stuff she got into when she turned eleven. She might as well have joined a gang. She ceased to be who she was, she became someone else entirely. Those other Freaks tainted her.

And then that man came into the picture and the two of us were driven further apart. He was an ass. He took pleasure in ridiculing people, pulling freakish pranks.

Perhaps the real reason I hated the boy so, was because he looked exactly like that man, glasses and all. Except her eyes.

I could never look the boy in the eye like my husband could. Her eyes would always be so full of hurt and anger, hate and despair. It made me sick to meet them. It made me furious. What right did the boy have to be angry with us? We never wanted him.

* * *

_That's where you're going. A special school for Freaks. It's good that you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety.

* * *

_

I hated her! I hated her for leaving. For choosing that world over me. For changing. For becoming such a – monster. A freak. I hated it. I hated her. I hated them!

All that hate. All that rage. It had to go somewhere.

Perhaps the real reason I hated the boy so, was because he was such a convenient outlet for my rage. I couldn't keep it inside me anymore, so I unleashed it on him.

It doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me human, more human than those Freaks. That Freak boy didn't deserve anymore from me... except... I only...

* * *

_You didn't think it was such a Freak's school when you wrote to the Headmaster and begged him to take you.

* * *

_

I was not jealous. I didn't want to be one of them. I never wanted to be one of them.

Ever.

I only... I didn't want us to be separated. She was my sister, I loved her. But then she changed and I was left behind and we grew more and more distant and the bitter resentment filled me and...

Perhaps the real reason I hated the boy so, was because he obviously had it. The one thing that, had I had it too, would never have separated me from her.

She wasn't supposed to die. Not before I had the chance to tell her. I didn't mean it, not really. Those words that spewed forth like filth.

I was waiting. I was trying to gather the courage to tell her, to ask her forgiveness. Even though she was no longer the sister I loved as a child, even if she was married to that man, even if she was one of... them. I needed to absolve myself, but more importantly I needed to have her back in my life. Even if it was just a small piece of whom she once was.

Perhaps that was selfish of me. But I am human.

* * *

Now I'm standing here in my living room, where a small Fr-man in a brilliant shade of mauve and a tall woman in rich green are going to escort us to safety. My sweet Dudley was so forgiving of the boy for his Freakishness, and that's the only reason I'm crying.

But I became so lost in the tears- how dare they take us away from our home, how dare this Freak war put my family in danger- that I didn't notice that I was alone with the boy until it was too late. He's standing there looking at me oddly. I avoid looking at him as I hastily shove my handkerchief away.

"Well – goodbye," I choke out and I begin to march to the door.

"Goodbye," he said, and something in his voice causes me to falter. I turn back to him and for the first time in years I meet his eyes.

There was no anger.

No anger, no hate, but no absolution. For a moment I'm hanging on the edge of speech. I don't know what I wanted to say. I surely wasn't going to ask him for forgiveness. He may have her eyes, but he isn't her.

I think perhaps that in that frozen moment, that lasted entirely too long, I saw Harry for the first time. Not her, not that man, not a Freak... but Harry. He stood there – strong, calm and... understanding.

That snapped me out of my daze. Jerking my head I quickly leave the house to join my husband and son.

And I thought maybe, wherever she was, Lily might understand too.

* * *

"_Hey Tuney, it'll be alright..."

* * *

_

We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past could be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
The lonely light of morning  
The wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I have held so dear

Fallen~ Sarah McLachlan


End file.
